Don't Wear The Jeans
Why, on World Mental Health Day 2023, I'm taking action (on both the denim and life front).
I have these jeans from a well-known concept store on the UK high street.
They’re ‘Mom Jeans’ which, as a Brit, I find excruciatingly ridiculous to say out loud and in everyday life, because I can’t help but add a slight American accent to MOM.
They went in the sale around 2021 when England was finally leaving the third national Covid lockdown, and I was lured by the discounted price, the promise of both functionality and style (given my life had been reduced to homeworking, homeschooling and forest-walking on a loop not long before) and by the tantalising product description copy.
“High on the waist and a little extra room on the thighs, this pair of throwback jeans babes are tapered in the ankle and ready to be rolled up for fun…”
Desperate for some normality and a much-needed style injection for my tired wardrobe, I took this as a direct call to action.
I wanted to be a throwback jeans babe! I welcomed a little extra wiggle room on the thighs! My ankles needed an airing! I was ready to be rolled up for fun!
As soon as they arrived I knew I’d made a massive blunder.
These jeans were AWFUL on me.
Unflattering, baggy, and giving off strong Midwest cowboy vibes, they sat super-high on the waist and were so long and rigid in the leg that not even a trainer, loafer or heel could rescue them.
Washed Black (which, admittedly, I ordered in a panic as Mid-blue was unavailable) appears a smoky, charcoal shade on the lithe model in the website photos, but, on me, is Washed Out.
Despite this, I KEPT WEARING THE JEANS.
Even though they left an indentation on my belly, were as stiff as a board and looked appalling.
I kept wearing them because they were easy to grab when I was in a rush, and it was best to carry on regardless without peeking in the mirror.
Because, I was feeling dowdy and frumpy, and so the jeans simply enhanced the tired, working Mum (Mom) feeling I was carrying around with me like a heavy bag.
I persisted, inwardly telling myself they didn’t look that bad and pulled them on during working-from-home days, to pop to Nisa for some milk or take our son out on a muddy bike ride - even though I was ready to duck behind the nearest tree if I spotted anyone we knew.
You might be wondering why I’m harping on about jeans, and why, on this World Mental Health Day 2023 I’ve chosen to talk denim.
It’s because I’ve been contemplating why, at times, we persist in engaging in activities and actions that make us feel unhappy. Why we punish ourselves and self-sabotage. Why it can feel like a slog to take firm, decisive action and break free from situations, or individuals, that cause us distress or hurt our mental health. I don’t know the answers, but I’m keen to delve a little deeper.
I’ve recently made a career change, stepping away from an industry, and some recent experiences, that had been making me unhappy for a long time, deep down. My confidence, which has never been rock-solid at the best of times, was being chipped away. I was perpetually tired and overworked. This was impacting negatively on my mental health, and I needed to take some action, even though it was far from straightforward and came with some risks.
I’m gradually emerging from out of the other side and while there’s still work to do, I’ve started to consider the simple actions I can take to look after my mental health a bit better. Steps that don’t involve the kind of extravagant pursuits that social media will convince us are the key to happiness or success (expensive holidays in exotic locations; fancy outfits and the right make-up) and that certainly are not within my financial means right now, but rather the simple, accessible everyday things.
Devouring books, magazines and articles. Hanging out with my family. Reducing social media usage, and snubbing the feelings of low self-doubt or self-worth that try to bubble up after prolonged doom-scrolling.
Spending time with people that uplift me and make me feel good while avoiding those who don’t. Supporting other women, and avoiding unhealthy comparisons. Reassuring myself that it’s what and who we are, and not always the things we do, that are important.
The other day I was sorting through my wardrobe and I spotted the Mom Jeans, lurking with others in the trouser gang and looking downright mean.
I glared at them. If this was a spaghetti western, this was the stand-off scene and the main theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly was playing in the background.
I yanked them off the hanger and chucked them in a bag destined for the charity shop without a second thought.
There’s a throwback jeans babe who can pull off a high-waist, tapered leg in Washed Black out there somewhere, I just know it.
Please, do what makes you happy.
Look after yourself.
Don’t wear the jeans.
On World Mental Health Day 2023, the charity Mind is encouraging us to take action by putting ourselves first and telling the UK government to publish and reform the 40-year-old Mental Health Act.
You can find out more, and reach out for help, by visiting their website.
Fantastic piece, Nicola.